Self Aware If You Do Any Of These 6 Things, You Might Not Be

Self Aware If You Do Any Of These 6 Things, You Might Not Be Self-awareness is probably one of those things wzu siche you have an idea of what it is, but if someone asked you to define it, you might stumble a bit to find the words.Ill be honest there was a time in my life where I thought I was so self-aware that I bragged about my self-awareness. I was basically saying, in one of the most condescending ways possible, Im a better person than you. (Note If you go around saying youre self-aware, my first question is going to be do you really have self-awareness?)The truth is, the reason I talked about my self-awareness so much was that I used it to hide from the truths about myself that made me uncomfortable.Instead of being mindful about strength and weakness, processing my thoughts and examining my emotions impact on others and the world around me, I told myself I was a good person. Instead of looking for what my mirror image actually was, I made it up in my brain and based my motiva tions on that. In my mind, I was the best human I could be, thanks to my self-awareness.Little did I know that what I thought were my strengths were actually my weaknesses. Self-awareness is a journey, leidlage a destination.Definition of Self-AwarenessPut simply, self-awareness is an understanding of who you are, what your strengths and weaknessesare, how you got to be that way, and how your presence and/or your behavior affect others. (You may also find this under self-awareness theory in your science textbook.)To develop self-awareness requires ongoing work.Why Its Important to be Self-AwareSelf-awareness also goes hand-in-hand with emotional intelligence people who are more emotionally intelligent typically have higher levels of self-awareness. Perhaps more importantly, being self-aware and understanding emotions are two traits that many employers look for when hiring and promoting.So, you may be asking yourself, what are self-awareness skills? And how do I become more self-awar e?Here are some signs that you still have some work to do and that you may not be as self-aware as you think you areand what to do about it.Signs You May Lack Self-Awareness1. You micromanage.Almost anyone who micromanages has a good reason as to why they do it. Perhaps youre a perfectionist. Or maybe theres a lot riding on a particular project and you cant let it escape your attention. Or maybe you understand that your co-worker needs an extra push to complete assignments or a project.These are all valid reasons. But you know whats missing from them? An understanding of how your desire to take control affects the other person. Micromanaging has demoralizing effects on workers, team members and people in general. It signals you dont trust the people youre working with. It also gives you permission to make a lot of assumptions, serving to shirk your responsibility to actually take the time to do the work and communicate.How to Become More Self-AwareWork on trusting others. You dont e xist in a vacuum other people are working with you toward the same goal. Learning to delegate and recognize other people can do the job, too, shows growth and maturity.2. Nothing is ever your fault.Speaking of avoiding responsibility, how often do you find yourself saying Yes, but its not my fault because (insert reason/excuse/context here)?Its natural to want to give context to a situation, especially if you feel attacked or if something really wasnt your fault. If you regularly respond to feedback or critiques with yes, but, youre most likely trying to deflect unwanted negative attention. Thats understandable. But know that other people perceive you as dismissive and as a person who avoids accountability.How to Become More Self-AwareHaving the awareness to landsee how people react to your expression of your feelings is a crucial workplace skill. Its right up there with emotional intelligence you need to be able to separate your thoughts with actual observation of your colleagues b ehavior. When you make a mistake, take responsibility for it. Colleagues and managers are more likely to respond positively to someone who acknowledges the mistake and apologizes than someone who constantly avoids blame.3. You get defensive.Does any kind of feedback tend to make you upset or angry? Do you find all feedback is harsh, unexpected or unwarranted? Whenever a colleague offers criticism, do negative emotions spiral out of control?If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might want to check in with yourself about why you get upset. After youre done with your introspection and you have the answer, ask yourself why again.How to Become More Self-AwareFeedback and critiques are a part of life especially at work and is most often meant to help you grow. Because nobody is perfect, and I say this with compassion, not everything is about you. Its not always personal.It can be difficult to sit with discomfort. While its modell to feel anxious or upset by unexpected criti cism, its important to understand and identify how it differs from warranted and objective feedback. Use the next feedback you receive as a self-awareness exercise to help you further develop self-awareness at work.4. You say things you dont mean.There are times when I wish people could just read my mind that theyd automatically know when and why I am upset or frustrated or hurt. It would make life so much easier than having to be an adult and express my feelings.Its also easier and emotionally safer to respond with nothing or no problem when something is, in fact, a problem. When the going gets tough, we tend to bury our emotions.It makes sense. we all want to appear capable and confident to people, especially at work. Passive-aggressive behavior is a way to avoid confrontation and deflect feelings. Its scary to be vulnerable, and it can be particularly intimidating at work given all the other dynamics women have to navigate.How to Become More Self-AwareIf you rely on passive ag gressive behavior to communicate, youre also setting unrealistic expectations on others because humans are not, in fact, mind readers. Its also exhausting both for you and whomever else is involved.When someone asks you how to do something or wants to know if youre upset, take a beat before responding. While it may be tempting to keep your issues inside, think about the best way to frame your problem in a way that expresses what you need to say without being hurtful. This is a delicate balanceyou probably cant say everything you want to say, but you also want to address the conflict. If you can, plan out some talking points in advance, considering what you need to get across without being hurtful.5. You cant laugh at yourself.I dont enjoy being embarrassed and have a hard time dealing with shame. (Doesnt everyone?) Its understandable that when you find yourself in a situation where youre feeling bad, the last thing you want to do is laugh. Maybe you react by getting angry and lashi ng out at whoever is around.What that youre really doing there is deflecting rather than sitting with deep discomfort, you distract yourself.How to Be More Self-AwareSelf-awareness in this situation is admitting to yourself youre embarrassed/upset/ashamed. After that happens, the laughter usually follows.6. You think youre a good listener.Maybe you really are a good listener If you think you are, its worth asking yourself why what do you do that makes you one?Have you ever finished a project and been nervous about it? There were other pieces you wanted to include but you ran out of time, or there was this one other area you thought could be stronger and then all but one person gave you positive feedback. Who did you listen to?If youre anything like me, you dwelled on the one person who out of all the leaders confirmed your insecurities. How often do you do this? How about when someone is speaking? Are you just waiting for him/her to finish so you can say what you want to say? C an you get out of your own way and actually pay attention to what the other person is saying?How to Be More Self-AwareListening is key when communicating. Thats not a secret. But its also not that simple. Its how you listen and what you listen for that really counts. Self-awareness includes the ability to listen to instead of listening for. Take into account what everyone is saying and everything theyre sayingnot just the parts that are compliments or insults.How to Become More Self-AwareAt the end of the day, anyone can become self-aware. It doesnt take an above-average intelligence, it just requires attention and introspection. Listening, accepting feedback, honing your communication skills, and being truly honest with yourself as well as others are key to becoming a more self-aware and ultimately a better worker, manager, friend, partner, and confidante.Is it bad to be too self aware?Of course, sometimes beingtoo self-aware can be a double-edged sword.According to research conduc ted bypsychologist Erika Carlson of the University of Toronto Mississauga, self-aware people are less likely to respond positively to knowing how people are interpreting them and their flaws. It is certainly an uncomfortable feeling to recognize how others are perceiving youespecially when its not in a positive light. And being overly self-aware can lead to negative feelings about oneself, especially considering the fine line between self-awareness and self-criticism.Overall, while self-awareness is generally positive, its important to use it for good, not evil. Rather than focusing on whats wrong with yourself, use your awareness to improve your interactions and communication with others and how you can help both yourself and the people around you.--Jennifer Koza is a social worker who believes support and empowerment are key to life- and has the data to back it up. By day, she is a research and evaluation analyst, committed to preventing violence against women and studying the val ue of work and workplaces. By night, she is a painter- or at least she tries to be when shes not catching up on t.v./movies (or re-watching The West Wing, Gilmore Girls or The Office).